Album review: Gorillaz - The Fall

Last year on Christmas Day fans of the world’s favourite cartoon band got a welcome treat. No, Alvin and The Chipmunks didn’t release their second squeakquel on the big screen, but instead the inventive Gorillaz gave their online members their new album, ‘The Fall’, for free. The unique album was recorded on an iPad in just 32 days during the band’s tour of North America in the autumn of 2010 and it now finally gets officially released.

Gorillaz have never been a ones to follow the ‘traditional’ conventions of being a contemporary band so we shouldn’t really be surprised that Damon Albarn’s troop have managed to put together nearly 45 minutes of music on Apple’s space-age gizmo. Although what is very impressive is that ‘The Fall’ was Gorillaz second album in 2010 coming quickly after the critically acclaimed ‘Plastic Beach’.

Where ‘Plastic Beach’ had an abundance of collaborations leading to a plethora of electronic hip-hop singles ‘The Fall’ is stripped bare of glossy production and is pieced together using the finest apps the media tablet has to offer. The album feels like a spontaneous adventure through music and is treated as an on-tour diary or memoir which organically grew while the bus powered down America’s endless freeways with many of the tracks’ titles incorporating the names of the cities they visited such as ‘The Snake in Dallas’, ‘California and The Slipping of The Sun’ and ‘Aspen Forest’ amongst others.

Another of these, the album’s opener, ‘Phoner to Arizona’ creates a great level of expectancy for the next 14 tracks as it uses squelching beats, bleeps and distraught vocals to give an impression of the loading period before a video game kicks into full flight. It also wouldn’t have been out of place on Daft Punk’s soundtrack to the film Tron: Legacy with Gorillaz using an eerie sci-fi sound which is a heavy feature to much of the album. The intro to ‘The Joplin Spider’ almost feels like a homage to Ridley Scott’s Alien with the use of grainy fearful spoken-word recordings creating a strange suspense and sense of impending doom.

Posted on www.virgin.com

F.A. Cup Semi-Final

Manchester City fan Craig Jones is still rejoicing after watching Saturday’s FA Cup Semi-Final at Wembley. Here he relives one of the best days of his life

As the beaming sun peered in between the gaps in my curtains and seven synchronised alarm clocks, looking a little like the opening scene from Back to The Future, made an almighty racket, I slowly opened my eyes at 7.30am on Saturday morning (a time I’m rarely awake on most weekdays let alone weekends) and realised it was Derby Day.

I leapt up quickly, showered and had a bit of breakfast before sauntering over to Eastlands to get a coach to Wembley to face city rivals Manchester United in the semi-final of the FA Cup.

I was met by a sea of blue shirts, scarves, flags and any other memorabilia that Manchester City’s supporters had been able to lay their hands on. There was an army of coaches, many looking like chariots with an abundance of mod-cons. Mine and my father’s, however, looked more donkey and cart.

We set off and straight away my iPhone sprung into life with ‘hilarious’ texts from United-supporting friends who would be watching the evening’s events in the company of Adrian Chiles and co from ITV.

“You do know Wembley is south of Manchester don’t you?” said one. “If you get lost give Fergie a call he’s been there a few times before,” said another. “Make sure you take a sat nav.” I didn’t rise to the bait because I’ve never been one for playground football banter. I was going down to support my team and couldn’t have cared less about the opposition.

To be honest I wasn’t looking forward to the match, given that United beat us a few weeks previously with a wonder strike from Britain’s most charismatic man, Wayne Rooney, and our recent record against the Reds wasn’t great. Also, we’d just got schooled in a 3-0 defeat at Liverpool. On top of that, despite being one of the world’s richest clubs, there was still the feeling that we were destined to lose any match away from Eastlands.

But the mood soon changed when the party and the chanting started. One fan on the bus noticed my slight resemblance to our suave Italian manager Roberto Mancini and a chorus of “Bobby’s son is a City fan” broke out with lots of pointing at yours truly.

We arrived at Wembley to a great reception from City fans. I felt part of the Royal Wedding entourage. But Blue heaven turned to Red hell when we passed a sea of United fans. That’s when the ‘healthy banter’ stopped and the coach was pelted with missiles with a bottle smashing against the rear window. Love thy neighbour was quite literally out of the window.

The coach parked up in the shadow of the imposing figure of Wembley’s arch. Unwittingly, our coach driver parked at United’s end of the stadium and we were herded into the lion’s den like helpless zebras. At this point my dad, Michael, began to flap a bit having seen the bad old days of football back in the Eighties which, thankfully, I’m too young to remember (although the first match I ever went to at Maine Road I did get chairs thrown at me from opposing fans). Thankfully nothing untoward happened.

Quite the reverse, in fact. We headed to the other side of the stadium to congregate with the other City fans. I was dressed in a white cardigan over my blue shirt and black jeans with the sun glistening on my Ray Bans and a light breeze blowing back my wavy hair, which prompted a backhanded compliment from a United fan with a Cockney accent. “Oh Russell Brand’s arrived!”

We crossed Wembley Way where red became blue and I was getting anxious as kick-off was imminent. Oddly, just before entering the stadium, we saw Fulham defender Brede Hangeland walking into the VIP section and I wondered what interest the big Norwegian had in a meeting between Manchester’s finest. I guess I’ll never know.

As we found our seats, choruses of ‘Blue Moon’ rang around the stadium as the two teams took to Wembley’s field which looked like a freshly laid carpet. Roars met the reading of every City player’s name before a pre-match Poznan was unleashed as the stadium announcer read the Reds’ starting line-up. For those that don’t know, the Poznan is a ritual City have adopted this season after meeting Polish side Lech Poznan in the Europa League where after a goal is scored, inspired by the Polish fans, City’s supporters turn away from the field, put their arms over the people next to them and jump up and down.

The gentle probing from both sides didn’t draw too much blood in the first 10 minutes but I felt United were turning up the heat. My suspicions were confirmed when Berbatov was one-on-one only for Joe Hart to pull off a fantastic save. But the danger didn’t end there as the ball immediately returned to the Bulgarian only for him to fluff another gilt-edged chance. My heart began to pound quite hard. I was certain a goal was imminent.

City started to push against the Red current, making a few good opportunities and for a moment, after seeing Joleon Lescott connect with the ball from a corner, I stood expectantly awaiting the net to rumble, but it didn’t. How the hell did he miss? That was bound to be our last chance, I thought.

After half-time, City continued as they had finished, on the front foot and pressurising the United backline until they made a mistake. Midfielder Michael Carrick gave a stray pass to City’s Yaya Toure who burst forward into the box and placed a shot in between Edwin Van Der Sar’s legs. It was beautiful.

I jumped and screamed in pure ecstasy along with another 40,000 City fans who dared to dream that we could be on course to the final.

After being in control and failing to grab the second goal a sense of nervousness crept in which was momentarily relieved when Paul Scholes was shown a red card for a bizarre and stupid challenge on Pablo Zabaleta. I celebrated like we’d extended the lead hoping it would prevent a United comeback. But I was all too aware of United’s never say die attitude. I was still on edge until the final whistle was blown after the traditional Fergie time.

We all rejoiced as City took one step closer to ending their three-decade trophy drought. The scuffle between Ferdinand and Mancini, which for the most part went unnoticed during the celebrations, emphasised the match’s importance not just to the blue half of Manchester but also to the red.

After the joy of seeing the Poznan performed by City’s players and staff on the pitch we headed back to the coaches. It was only a short walk to the car park and I greeted every insult and expletive with a smile before we climbed back on the coach and headed North.

I did ponder sending a boastful text to my Manchester U friends but decided against it as beating United was only half the battle. It will all be meaningless if we don’t return victorious after playing Stoke City next month.

One thing is for certain, I’ll be sure to ask for directions from Manchester United fans when we return to Wembley in May as all their helpful advice sorted City out a real treat on Saturday.

Posted on www.thenatter.co.uk

China Grand Prix review

Sunday’s Chinese Grand Prix was a joyous culmination of this season’s three reforms flowing in tandem to produce an exhilarating race something which Formula One has sometimes lacked in recent years. The DRS (Drag Reduction System) and KERS (Kinetic Energy Recovery System) complemented each other beautifully so that cars could have that extra boost to pass the road hog in their way once they got behind them. While Pirelli’s new tyres really left the paddock’s strategy men with lots to ponder as they dramatically started to degrade once they’d reached their sell by date.

The big winners on the day were undoubtedly Lewis Hamilton and Nico Rosberg who gambled by making an extra pit stop so that their tyres would still be fresh at the end of the race while other racers were left struggling for grip. This allowed Hamilton to catch this season’s runaway championship leader Sebastian Vettel at a vast rate of knots and gave the McLaren man his first victory of the season.

Throughout the field there was no-stop action something the sport hasn’t seen since Brazil 2008 when the aforementioned Hamilton secured his World Championship on the last corner and very rarely sees without nature’s raining intervention.

One man who deserves special praise for his performance on the Shanghai International circuit was Red Bull’s Mark Webber who has quickly become the sport’s forgotten man this year in the shadow of his team-mate Vettel. The Aussie had a disastrous qualifying performance suffering from technical difficulties, then going out on the harder less preferable tyres and failing to make it through Q1 finishing 18th on the grid. Red Bull’s Team Principal Christian Horner insisted the car was good enough to get through to the next session and wasn’t the most sympathetic to Webber’s plight.

On race day though the six-time race winner lived up to his Twitter name and shown true Aussie grit as he stormed through the field to secure a podium finish on the dying laps. It’s also a great compliment to the quality of Red Bull’s RB7 car that Webber could start so far down and bag a third place. But take nothing away from Webber who put in a stonking drive to position himself back into the title battle. It’s now vital he builds on such a great performance and pins back World Champion Vettel in this year’s championship fight.

Webber’s performance was comparable with the countless times the great Michael Schumacher has bludgeoned his way through the field from the back, when he rode his prancing Ferrari. It was also on par with the magnificent drive Jenson Button put in to secure his maiden F1 victory at the 2006 Hungarian Grand Prix as he started 14th to then win. What makes Webber’s drive on Sunday probably more impressive than Button’s that day was that all this happened in dry conditions showing that Webber, his tyres and his strategy just all clicked.

It has been noticeable so far this season that the new rules have prompted more overtaking than we’ve had in previous years but there’s still been the same old problem. Of a car scampering off into the distance and nobody else being capable of catching them although what was really impressive about Sunday and the new tyres in-particular is that now the teams are literally driving into the unknown. As Pirelli are new this season to F1 the teams don’t know how well the tyres will hold together on certain tracks. This was the case in China when Vettel looked to have sealed another victory only for his tyres to lose significant performance, like the majority of the field’s two-stoppers, leaving him a sitting duck for Hamilton. This unpredictable nature combined with the new technology to assist with overtaking could really help create the best season ever and make F1 the exciting sport all the fans want it to be.

Posted on www.virgin.com

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TGI'S

Craig Jones helps TGI Friday’s celebrate its 25th birthday and ends up ever so slightly inebriated

Readers of The Natter may recall late last year our reporter Tamsin Eames received a crash course in ‘flair bartending’ at TGI Friday’s, creating her own concoction, The Lady Pint.

Recently I returned to TGI’s Trafford Centre restaurant to see if it had become a hit during the chain’s 25th birthday celebrations.

Unsurprisingly, The Lady Pint – which consisted of every ingredient on the bar lovingly chucked into a pint glass – hadn’t made its way onto TGI’s never-ending menu of cocktails (although the Passion Punch did look like it had ripped it off slightly). But they have debuted a new beverage created by Trafford Centre bartender Warren Parsonage.

The elegant drink known as The Skyy High Elderberry beat 57 other cocktails in a battle to be added to the chain’s nationwide drinks menu. Each of TGI’s UK stores nominated one new cocktail made by a member of their staff as an entry in their mixology competition.

Winner Warren said: “I’m buzzing that my cocktail has been chosen to become part of Friday’s famous cocktail menu. Friday’s is known for its cocktail innovation and now I can proudly say that one of my own creations will be on the menu next to some all-time classics.”


Craig and Tamsin sample the now legendary,
but sadly no longer available, ‘Lady Pint’

The Skyy High Elderberry is a refreshing blend of Skyy vodka, crème de Mure, apple juice, and elderflower cordial. Warren was more than happy to demonstrate making it with the aid of a few tricks and flicks in front of some adoring punters during the restaurant’s birthday party.

Every hour Friday’s’ highly skilled flair team put on a spectacle of showmanship and audaciousness that even cocktail Casanova Tom Cruise couldn’t have matched in his Eighties pomp.

The Trafford Centre bar team was led by Adi Astley, main picture, above, who is TGI Friday’s 2010 UK Flairing Champion. Adi had the honour of choreographing a world record breaking routine to kick-off TGI’s 25th birthday celebrations earlier this year.

It saw 101 bartenders performing for over two minutes without dropping a bottle or falling out of sync. This set a new Guinness World Record title for the ‘Most People in a Simultaneous Cocktail Flair’.

Adi said: “That was a really great day and we had so much fun. I’m so proud of everyone. Flair is about creating theatre and fun around the bar experience.”

On our previous visit me and Tamsin were guided by the capable flairing hands of barman Ian Brooke, who taught us how to make (and sample) various cocktails. This time I briefly made a cameo behind the bar with my tutor. It’s fair to say the apprentice hasn’t yet outgrown the master as I wasn’t an unprecedented success.

Ian tried to teach me to flick a bottle and land it standing back on the palm of my hand. At the best of times my hand-eye coordination isn’t great and after supping a fair few cocktails it wasn’t at its most impressive. I attempted the trick only to inadvertently hit the bottle back towards Ian striking him in an area of his body where it’s always bound to hurt. Thankfully everyone – including Ian – saw the funny side of it.

I rather sheepishly returned to the other side of the bar after experiencing the kind of embarrassment Del Boy once suffered in a cocktail bar.

Luckily, I was saved from further suffering after I foolishly agreed to try a Flaming Lamborghini cocktail, which explodes if you make the slightest wrong move. In my increasing drunken state I couldn’t hide my fear and thankfully I lived to fight another day when my ‘flair bartending’ friends said we’d sadly not have enough time to set it up (what a relief! I dodged a bullet there).


Record breakers: TGI bartenders set a Guinness World Record for simultaneous flairing

TGI’s used the party as a fitting opportunity to present a cheque for £30,000 to their charity partner, the Make-A-Wish Foundation.

New York’s finest is now halfway to the Big Five-O but there’s one thing for certain, they won’t grow old quietly – there’s sure to be lots of excitement upon the way. Bring on another 25 years and Happy Birthday TGI Friday’s.

To see TGI Friday’s record breaking flair bartenders in action follow this link: www.youtube.com/watch?v=kRqwe5KR1tg

Will Felipe Massa's luck change?

Felipe Massa was lucky to escape with his life during qualifying for the 2009 Hungarian Grand Prix after a stray suspension spring struck the Ferrari driver on the head at a speed of around 160mph. The object brutally shattered the Brazilian’s helmet striking him just above the left eye leaving him in a life-threatening condition.

Thankfully the 11-time racer winner slowly recovered making his F1 return at the start of the 2010 season back in the red of Ferrari. Many pundits questioned whether Massa would return a different man and whether fear may have clouded his desire to win. There could be some truth to that as the Brazilian has gone from title contender to second fiddle at Ferrari since he returned to the sport.

Although it's all too easy to point to his horrific accident and suggest this is the reason for Massa's decline overall the Brazilian has had some rotten misfortune for some time and could certainly challenge Red Bul's Mark Webber for the crown of the sport's unluckiest driver. Look at the Brazilian Grand Prix in 2008, this is when his spirit probably started to waver, he crossed the line in the season decider effectively as the World Champion resulting in premature celebrations in the Ferrari garages.

Only for Lewis Hamilton to overtake a slowing Timo Glock on the final corner to secure a fifth place finish which gave the Englishman his first championship as the floods opened in Interlagos and the rain came down on Massa's title dreams. This was an exhilarating finish for fans watching all around the world but to say this was cruel on Massa does't cover it. There's a horrible realisation moment where the cameras homed in on the Brazilian's father, Luiz Antonio, as his celebrations are cut short noticing that Hamilton got the result he needed securing the championship by a solitary point ahead of Massa.

This has to be the moment where Massa lost something as it must have been such a bitter pill to swallow before that he'd always ran his team-mates, Kimi Raikkonen and previously Michael Schumacher, close giving as good as he got but now it has very much been established that Fernando Alonso is Ferrari's title-fighter. Placing Massa in the position of rear gunner and with the horrible understanding that his best chance to win a title has passed him by.

F1 has always been a sport of being in the right place at the right time, ask Jenson Button in 2009, a driver has to take their opportunity as there's no guarantee it'll come around again. Even leading up to his accident in 2009 it was clear to see Massa was a changed man. He competed in 10 races only mounting the podium once and failing to win a Grand Prix.

Since his return he's not won a race either although he did come close to victory at the German Grand Prix in 2010 when he was cruelly denied an emotional win, his first since his accident and since his championship heartache in Brazil, but this was sacrificed for the sake of team-mate Fernando Alonso's title challenge. Massa, who was cruising at the front, got a radio message from engineer Rob Smedley saying: "Fernando is faster than you. Can you confirm you understood that message?" Soon after Alonso passed and the Spaniard took the victory with Smedley messaging a very quiet Massa to say: "Ok mate good lad, stick with him now, sorry." This left a very sour taste given all that Massa had been through and it resulted in Ferrari getting a fine for breaking the rules.

That was a significant moment though as it put into place for all the world to see who Ferrari's number one and number two drivers were. Two races into the new season Massa still looks destined to become one of Formula One's nearly men as there has been no sharp turn in form although he could have gained a rare podium at this weekend's Malaysian Grand Prix if it hadn't have been for a dodgy first pit-stop instead he finished fifth. It's a pity for the Brazilian as he has pace in abundance, race winning pedigree and potential but one thing that he's severely lacking is luck. To be a success at anything your ability needs to complemented by a fair bit of luck and lucky is one thing Massa's career certainly hasn't been.

Originally posted on www.virgin.com

Andy Parson at The Lowry

Andy Parsons: The Lowry, Salford. Review by Craig Jones

It’s often been said that stand-up comedy is the new rock ’n’ roll, so it seems appropriate that the Lowry is filled with a soundtrack of heavy guitar-based rock, including The Kings of Leon, The Strokes and The Cribs, as anticipation mounts for comedian Andy Parsons’ Salford appearance on his 40-date tour.

The question is: can the Mock The Week regular live up to the build-up?

A prolonged period of darkness descends on the auditorium before a suave blue-shirted figure draws attention to the venue’s décor. Parsons says: “Good evening I’m very happy to be here at Britain’s most purple venue.”

He gets a reassuring laugh from the varied audience of old and young before a bewildered stare at the vacant seats slap bang in the centre of the front row. This is rather odd considering the theatre’s three tiers are packed but the former Spitting Image writer doesn’t let it faze him as his act gets into full flow.

Parsons, scheduled at the Lowry between Shaun The Sheep and Peppa Pig, gives many thoughtful reflections about the current state of the economy and the government.

He mocks: “Let me get this straight, we had all this fuss about getting Brown out of Number 10 and then the great British public elect a coalition of blue and gold. Forgive me if I’m wrong but doesn’t that make brown?”

No one is safe from the Edinburgh Festival regular’s observations as he sticks the boot into David Cameron, Nick Clegg and Sir Alan Sugar, giving a unique take on how he’d handle that dreaded boardroom firing with the entrepreneur.

Parsons, who began his Gruntled tour in February, has a deceptively cheery delivery to his often dark punchlines and social commentary.

His views on the London Olympics are a fitting example. “I don’t think anyone other than Seb Coe thinks the Olympics are going to go well. I’m sure I’ll wait weeks to find out I’ve not got a ticket to a good event but I’ll still go on our second-rate transport system, then I’ll get there in a never ending queue eating a half-cooked burger, drinking a pint that cost a fiver and then, when I finally get in, I’ll be sat next to two fat thighed people. Then in front of me I’ll have the tallest man to have ever lived who’ll probably have an obnoxious kid with ADHD.”

As the interval nears the bald comedian speaks of a coalition he’d like to see, rather than the current government – the hairless and the ginger joining forces to rule Britain as Parsons’ Vegetable Party – the potato heads and the carrot tops.

During the break the audience sit back in their cosy purple seats as they get a chance to dry the tears from a hilarious opening 50 minutes.

In the second period Parsons gets even more at home with the audience, revealing how previous reviews have described him as a ‘bullet headed funnyman’, ‘potato headed panellist’ and ‘a well-informed veg seller’. In all honesty he’s more like a laidback Pierluigi Collina with all the knowledge of a chirpy Cockney taxi driver who tackles hard-hitting issues like the recession, religion and the cuts but never fails to get a laugh.

It’s amazing to think how high the former Cambridge Footlights student’s star has risen since he debuted on Mock The Week. It is abundantly clear he appreciates how the show, which he describes as ‘a frantic war zone’ has changed his career, propelling him out of shabby clubs into beautiful theatres the length and breath of the county.

As Parsons’ show comes to its conclusion he gives a memorable anecdote from when he was recently in Scotland and found a pair of underpants in a jar of mayonnaise he bought. When he complained he was accused of planting them himself!

Parsons leaves the stage to The Enemy’s ‘You’re Not Alone’ which somehow fits nicely with his closing gags about happiness. The audience, clearly rejoicing after a magnificent evening of fun and topical cheer, conga to the music up the aisles out of the Lowry and into the concrete jungle of Salford Quays.

Posted on www.thenatter.co.uk

Has Schmacher still got it?

Every child has an idol or role model that they aspire to be in their younger years and you won’t be surprised to discover I was no different. During my 1990s childhood I had three people who I idolised and wanted to follow in the footsteps of. My idols were footballer Gennaro Gattuso, Joy Division/New Order bassist Peter Hook and the one which I longed to be more than any other was F1 driver Michael Schumacher. All three were determined, highly successful characters, prone to the occasional controversy who knew how to reach the top. Now in 2011 they’re not what they once were, their popularity has dwindled, they’re being out-performed by hotshot youngsters and for the most part they’re taking up a role as living memory to their great pasts. Although just because most have given up on them doesn’t mean I have. A prime example of this came as I watched Michael Schumacher’s performance at last weekend’s F1 curtain raiser in Australia. Over the winter I’d anxiously hoped the seven-time world champion’s Mercedes would be topping the pre-season time sheets and at times it did which filled me with great hope that Schumacher would start this season a changed breast from the one which bumbled throughout his comeback year. That said, he left Melbourne without a point so my prayers were hardly answered but what disturbed me the most was that the fact that nobody really seemed to bat an eyelid when he finished empty handed. For example in qualifying when he only qualified 11th failing to make it through to Q3’s top ten shoot-out commentators Martin Brundle and David Coulthard were hardly sympathetic to their former sparring partner’s plight. Worse came on Sunday on the opening lap of the race while millions of people across the world were fixated on the front of the grid waiting to see if Lewis Hamilton would make a move on pole sitter Sebastian Vettel my eyes were elsewhere. Some six rows back in fact to see how Schumi would start, with me hoping he’d at least finish in the points. He started well and got into the thick of the action into turn one but unfortunately he did get penned-in by Fernando Alonso’s Ferrari which halted his progress. Schumacher continued harrying into turn three only for the Torro Rosso of Jaime Alguersuari to collide with him resulting in a puncture. This had seemingly gone unnoticed by the cameramen and commentators but I knew what had happened as I sat backwards into my chair I knew Schumacher’s race was basically over. He tiptoed back to the pits, got new tyres and as he returned to the track he was running comfortably last by over a minute. For a moment I thought back to the glory years of Schumacher in his pomp when he was once a lap down in Austria and stormed through the field to finish third in his Ferrari. I hoped and wished I’d see a sensational performance like that again but it never came instead he trundled round the Albert Park circuit, not overtaking anyone, before he decided enough was enough and he parked his Mercedes in the garage. After that, all I wanted was for his team-mate, Nico Rosberg, not to finish as I didn’t want him to start the season already beating the master. Thankfully I got my wish two laps later when Schumacher’s old Ferrari comrade Rubens Barrichello over-ambitiously went to overtake him smashing into his car. As this happened the footage cut to Schumacher standing in the garage watching the action unfold on the monitors and he gave a little despairing shrug to the camera. This spoke volumes to me because underneath his concerned glances the old devious Schumacher still exists and his face echoed relief that Rosberg, who nearly doubled Schumacher’s points tally of 72 last season, wasn’t beating him again just yet. If we’re honest as much as I adore Michael Schumacher there will be many detractors who will have had a good laugh at Schumacher’s struggles since returning to F1 last season seeing just how far the mighty has fallen. As it is hard, for some, to ignore some of his previous antics, such as purposely taking Damon Hill out of the race at Adelaide, trying something similar on Jacques Villeneuve in Suzuka and parking his Ferrari in Monaco to block Fernando Alonso. Over the winter Sir Sterling Moss questioned his record as a seven-time world champion implying that he was basically in the right place at the right time. This is quite a harsh statement as you don’t win seven world titles purely on luck, or basically reverse the fortunes of the Ferrari team just on good timing not to mention the fact he won two of his titles with Benetton who were hardly one of F1’s established greats. Obviously having a good car helps but there still needed to be a world class driver behind the wheel and that’s what Schumacher was but sadly probably isn’t now. In the build-up to the Australian Grand Prix Nigel Mansell said that he felt that Schumacher had one more world drivers crown in him before he called it a day for good. This is something I just can’t see not with the dominance that Baby Schumi (Sebastian Vettel) seems to have in his Red Bull not to mention the other young pretenders in Mclaren and Ferrari. Personally I think this will be Schumacher’s swansong year and I have realistic expectations for him. I just want to see him grace the podium from time-to-time (which he didn’t do at all last season) and have consistent points finishes. If he could win a race that would be a perfect send-off to what has been the career of F1’s greatest ever driver (even including his comeback). Whatever happens this year I’ll be supporting at every turn, crash and occasional triumph. As featured on http://www.virgin.com/

F1 season 2011 preview

Formula One, the world’s most glamorous and at times most controversial sport, returns this weekend with the curtain raiser taking place in Australia. So, we’ve complied a list of things to expect during the 2011 F1 season.

1. Dramatic tyre degradation

This season Formula One has a new chief tyre supplier, Pirelli, who’re replacing Bridgestone. During testing the Italian manufacturer where given the mandate to ensure this season’s tyres are softer as F1 bosses hope to create more overtaking and to test the ability of tacticians as they try to prevent unnecessary pit-stops. It could prove a difficult task balancing the benefits of keeping drivers on track as opposed to bringing them in to change their boots as winter testing has already shown. For example, at Barcelona recently Mercedes’ Michael Schumacher, on fresh Pirellis, caught McLaren’s Lewis Hamilton, struggling on degrading tyres, over a matter of only 3 laps overtaking him and pulling out a 5 second lead on the 2008 World Champion. Striking tyre degradation such as this may lead many teams to bite the bullet and pit much more frequently with many pundits predicting each driver will pit three or four times in every race. Commentator, Martin Brundle, said recently he expected to see some ‘crazy results’ due to the volatile nature of the new tyres and this could be a huge benefit to the midfield teams especially at the start of the season while they are all still adapting.

2. A new Brit

The gird now has three British drivers with the arrival of Scot, Paul Di Resta, the 24-year-old has been on the cusp of joining an F1 team for many years as he’s previously been linked with drives at Mclaren, Force India and Toyota. Finally the 2010 DTM Champion has got his chance joining Force India, who he tested for in 2008, as a replacement for Italian Antonio Liuzzi. Unlike most rookies who drive in F1, based on a sponsors’ cheque, Di Resta has a proven pedigree of being a motor sport champion. He won the Formula Three Euroseries and Masters of Formula 3 championships in 2006 and has consistently finished in the top three overall standing in the German touring car series, DTM, over the last three seasons before winning the competition last year. As Force India are firmly placed in the middle of the field not much is expected of the Scot but he’ll be determined to achieve consistent points finishes to put him on the radar of front running teams. To help him reach his potential and equal the feats of F1’s two other British drivers, Jenson Button and Lewis Hamilton, by becoming World Champion in a few seasons time.



3. A struggling Mclaren

Over winter testing Mclaren Mercedes new car, the MP4-26, has struggled for pace and reliability and has left many wondering if the team are capable of mounting a challenge for the drivers and constructors titles. Drivers, Jenson Button and Lewis Hamilton, have both toed the party-line saying they’re content but they must be frustrated by the car’s apparent lack of performance. A feeling which must be privately felt within the team too as Mclaren Team Principal Martin Whitmarsh has confirmed his team are making ’dramatic’ alterations to the car before this weekend’s Australian Grand Prix. These changes centre upon giving the MP4-26 a new floor and exhaust system. Whitmarsh said: “There's a risk in that but I think it was the right thing to do and we're hopeful that the risk comes off and the car becomes a lot more competitive.” He defiantly concluded that he felt the new Mclaren could now become over a second a lap quicker. Success for Britain’s two former World Champions could depend hugely on this early season gamble as rivals Ferrari and Red Bull look to be this season’s pace setters once more.

4. Team Orders

The clause which banned team’s engineering an advantage for their ‘lead driver’ has been removed and now teams can again freely tell their ‘second drivers’ to let their team-mates past them. Team orders came to prominence during Michael Schumacher’s dominant era with Ferrari when team-mates Eddie Irvine, Rubens Barrichello and Felipe Massa were all told to move aside to give the German race victories. The Scuderia were adjudged to be up to their old tricks last season when Felipe Massa surrendered what would have been an emotional first victory since returning from a near fatal accident to allow Fernando Alonso to win the German Grand Prix. Massa‘s race engineer Rob Smedley radioed the Brazilian and said ‘Fernando is faster than you’ moments later Alonso was past Massa with Smedley radioing a solitary ‘sorry’ to the distraught Brazilian. Ferrari were given a slap on the wrist for their actions by the FIA and rival teams heavily criticised their use of team orders, none more than Red Bull Team Principal Christian Horner, it will be interesting to see if he uses team orders now the ban has been lifted after all it could have saved him a lot of hassle last season as drivers Sebastian Vettel and Mark Webber regularly tangled with each other nearly blowing their championship hopes.

5. An improved Michael Schumacher

The big talking point of the 2010 season was the return of the legendary Michael Schumacher as he signed up to race for the new Mercedes team, previously World Champions Brawn GP, and this caused euphoria amongst millions of F1 fans across the world. Although in-truth the seven-time World Champion’s comeback was far from plain sailing. He was regularly out-performed by team-mate Nico Rosberg, who almost doubled Schumacher’s point haul of 72, he also struggled to get to grips with qualifying often not making the top ten shoot-out in Q3 and worst of all the German never even mounted the podium with his best finish being fourth in Korea. It was a real shock for many F1 purists who wanted their idol to waltz back behind the wheel of an F1 car and re-establish his dominance from his Ferrari years. In winter testing the prospects have looked good for Schumacher as he quite frequently topped the time sheets despite many saying the Mercedes lacks pace. After his disastrous return, where he ended the championship ninth, you won’t find many predicting he’ll become a World Champion for the eighth time in 2011 but they’re hopeful he’ll at least grace the podium from time-to-time and possibly win a race, this would be a great sign-off for a true great, who probably won’t be on the grid in 2012.



6. A rotation of drivers at Hispania Racing

It’s fair to say of last season’s three new teams, Hispania, struggled substantially more than Virgin Racing or Lotus with no pre-season testing and non-stop financial difficulties it was a wonder they got on the grid at times. During races their fortunes didn’t improve much with their drivers consistently finishing at the very back of the field, if at all, which lead to them finishing last in the constructors championship. They arguably didn’t help themselves by using four drivers, Karun Chandhok, Bruno Senna, Sakon Yamamoto and Christian Kilen, throughout the season which prevented any stability as Hispania tried to find their feet in the sport. This season they’re starting with two new drivers former Jordan racer Narain Karthikeyan and Antonio Liuzzi, who drove for Force India next year, both have substantially more F1 experience and sponsorship than their predecessors but don’t be surprised to see an also-ran from seasons gone by replacing one of them during the season. Maybe Takuma Sato will fancy a mid-season F1 return.

7. Warring team-mates

As the golden rule of F1 goes, you have to beat your team-mate, from Mclaren’s two Brits to Red Bull’s bickering duo there are sure to be some heated in-team rivalries this season. The most memorable moment of warring team-mates last season had to be when Sebastian Vettel and Mark Webber clashed at the Turkish Grand Prix wiping Vettel out of the race while jeopardising Red Bull’s title hopes. Now that Vettel is a World Champion it will be interesting to see if Webber is expected to defer to the young German and furthermore if the fiery Aussie complies. A similar situation could happen at Mercedes too after Nico Rosberg pummelled Michael Schumacher last season it’s unlikely the veteran will settle for second driver status. Also at the front it’ll be intriguing to see whether Fernando Alonso and Felipe Massa start the season on a level-footing. Given that last year the Brazilian had to be the yielding rear-gunner to the two-time World Champion. One thing is for sure with the reinstating of team orders some teams will clearly define a number one and number two driver which probably isn’t a bad idea. As the civil war at Mclaren between Lewis Hamilton and Fernando Alonso in 2007 cost the team the title as Kimi Raikkonen’s Ferrari, who started the final race third in the championship, piped them to the World Championship.



8. A possible return for Robert Kubica
The big tragedy of pre-season was the accident to Renault’s, Robert Kubica, as he was allowed to compete for Skoda in the Ronde di Andora rally but the Pole unfortunately crashed leaving his F1 career in the balance. The one-time race winner suffered various hand, arm and leg injuries which needed multiple operations to repair. There is no way that he’d be able to take the seat of his vastly improved, Lotus Renault GP, for the opening months of the season but F1 fans would undoubtedly love to see him back behind the wheel before the season finishes. In the mean-time his former BMW team-mate, Nick Heidfeld, is deputising for Kubica which could put the in-experienced, Vitaly Petrov’s, position with the team in doubt should Heidfeld do well for Renault in Kubica’s absence. As the pairing of Kubica and Heidfeld made BMW a very fearsome team during their time together previously and would again with Lotus Renault GP if the Pole recovers this season.

9. The First Indian Grand Prix

This season on October 30th F1’s inaugural Indian GP will take place at the Jaypee Group Circuit, in Greater Nodia. The sprawling circuit consists of 16 largely medium speed corners with cars having an expected average lap speed of around 210 kph. The grand stands will house around 150,00 spectators with plans in-place to extend that to 200,000 should the race become popular with fans. When the F1 circus arrives in India in the thick of the season the grid will have an Indian team, Force India, and an Indian driver, Narain Karthikeyan (If Hispania haven’t replaced him by then).

10. Controversies

F1 is nothing without the traditional scandal each season. In recent years we’ve seen spying between Mclaren and Ferrari, illegal car designs, Piquet-gate and even allegations about former FIA President Max Mosley’s private life. This year nothing much has arisen yet other than trash talk between teams with Lewis Hamilton recently describing Red Bull as ‘just a drinks company’ this is pretty light stuff at the moment but it’ll be sure to simmer during the season. There is bound to be controversies surrounding the legality of teams’ diffusers as has become the norm in recent years. Plans to make F1 more interesting are also sure to cause debate with big cheese, Bernie Ecclestone, recently proposing artificial rain to make races more of a spectacle and being roundly shot down by the paddock. Whatever happens this year there is certain to be as much action the track as there is on it as always.

Review: The Strokes - Angles

As featured on Virgin.com



‘I’m putting your patience to the test’ is the cry of Julian Casablancas’ distinctive drawl in ‘Angles’ enthralling opener, the slightly Caribbean sounding, ‘Machu Picchu’ and this is something he has been doing to The Strokes’ many fans for over five years since the New York rockers last album ‘First Impressions of Earth’ was released in 2006. Since then the five-piece had gone their separate ways during the band’s hibernation and focused on their own solo projects notching up no fewer than five albums between them.

In 2009 Casablancas and guitarist Nick Valensi announced the band had started writing new material so last year expectant fans were overcome with excitement when the New Yorkers made appearances on the festival scene with revellers tentatively stood in fields awaiting new material. Instead Casablancas and co gave two rousing ‘best of’ gigs headlining at RockNess and the Isle of Wight festivals with no new songs to be found.



Rumours then surfaced they were having recording problems with award-winning producer Joe Chicarelli and the indie band decided to record the majority of ‘Angles’ material at guitarist, Albert Hammond Jr’s, home studio in New York. The result is something of a variety album taking the best of the band’s three previous albums, ‘Is This It’, ‘Room on Fire’ and ‘First Impressions of Earth’, to reassure fans as they move in an experimental new direction.
Debut single ‘Undercover of Darkness’, which was released in February, wouldn’t be out of place on The Strokes’ acclaimed first album, ‘Is This It’, with punchy heavy guitar work from masters Nick Valensi and Hammond Jr pounding throughout. The high tempo song has a chorus reminiscent to the band’s most recognisable track from their back catalogue ‘Last Nite’ but gives the impression that the New Yorkers slightly resent the cult status that the iconic anthem gave them with the lyric ‘Everybody singing the same song for ten years’ (The amount of time that has passed since ‘Is This It’) and want to be taken more seriously. Lyrically this album’s message is one of frustration that The Strokes feel they can’t move away from their early work.

Throughout ‘Angles’ we’re treated to some unexpected 70s style prog-rock heard in jovial ‘Gratisfaction’ which could easily be a Thin Lizzy power ballad as could the soft pop sounding ‘Two Kinds of Happiness’. This reflective track has seen The Strokes jump on the band wagon of indie bands becoming electronic with the predominant drums in the chorus sounding pretty similar to the Friendly Fires’ ‘Jump in the Pool’ but with an assured confident coolness of Roxy Music back in their pomp.


The electronic sound, clearly influenced by Casablancas’ 2009 solo album ‘Phrazes for the Young’, doesn’t stop there with ‘Games’ feeling like something from New Order’s heyday abundant in synth that would work perfectly as new wave background music for the legendary game Sonic the Hedgehog. Moving on from the Star Light Zone ‘Angles’ regrettably does get a little muddled at times when the experimentation in filler tracks such as, the sinister Muse-like, ‘Metabolism’ and ‘You’re So Right’, which feels like a rhythmic chant that is sure to induce a headache, does go a little wrong.

These are minor blemishes on what is a very good return album for The Strokes, who find lead singer Casablancas in fine form, despite him recording all his vocals separate from the rest of the band as he felt he would ‘interfere’ too much (obviously it‘s nothing to do with them not getting on). This could have resulted in a very disjointed album but despite concerns from some band members The Strokes get away with it and the overall it goes unnoticed in the production. Although Valensi recently said he would refuse to make another album in this fashion.

As much as critics will be eager to criticise ‘Angles’ basically because it isn’t another ‘Is This It’ there is much to savour from this album. First and foremost The Strokes, one of the world’s most renowned guitar bands, are back making new music which can only be a good thing. Furthermore from the album’s title there is a sense that this record was a group endeavour with The Strokes members collectively contributing their own wide expertises, more than ever before, emphasising this to be a journey they’re all taking together. They give the impression they’re trialling new sounds in-order to decide which they want to take forward into the future as ultimately Angles is very much a ‘pic n mix’ record with enough evident successes capable of fuelling an entirely polished fifth album.



‘Angles’ jewel in it’s pretty weighty crown is the finale ‘Life is Simple in the Moonlight’, which was recently performed on American TV show Saturday Night Live, the guitars are let loose complementing Casablancas’ unique drowns effortlessly. This is when the New Yorkers sound at their most Strokes-like, almost as if they’re dragging the masses along waiting to give them what they want right at the end, this thoughtful track would be perfect for a festival set as the day descends into night and the stars begin to sparkle up above. If Casablancas is to be believed the band have more than enough material ready to fill a fifth album, so hopefully it won’t be another five year wait. What’s for certain is The Strokes seem reinvigorated and determined to shape their own destiny not caring what others think. As Casablancas defiantly signs off ‘Don’t try to stop us get out of the way’.

7/10

Craig Jones

This Summer's fashions debuted

The Summer months are fast approaching and given the dreary winter of cuts, wars and Dancing on Ice that we’ve all had to endure, the people of Britain, are undoubtedly looking forward to a bit of sunshine but the question is, what should we be wearing this Summer? On Thursday evening I discovered what’s in vogue for men’s fashion this year at a GQ menswear show at, Selfridges, in Manchester’s Exchange Square. Brace yourself lads it’s going to get a little bit colourful from here as it would seem dark blue, grey and black are out.

On the chilly Thursday, prior to the catwalk show, I’d been working as a waiter in a Mexican restaurant and I had to take my evening’s attire with me as I would have never had enough time to get ready and get to Manchester in time for the show. Given that the event is heavily fashion based I thought there is a very high probability I was going to be judged for my chosen ensemble. So I decided to play it safe with a grey cardigan topping a white shirt and skinny tie complemented by tinted navy jeans and sky blue plimsolls. Surely this couldn’t fail.

After completing my shift I went to make the dramatic Clark Kent transformation from waiter to fashion journalist and discovered to, my horror, whilst dousing myself in bottle after bottle of aftershave, to rid myself of the smell of chicken fajitas, that I’d forgotten my jeans and plimsolls. As time was ticking away fast and I had less than an hour to get to the event a dilemma developed. Do I risk going home picking up my carefully selected footwear and jeans or just gamble by my wearing the now grubby lower half of my work uniform?

I had no option and went with the latter, as I arrived in Manchester making the long walk past the CIS to Selfridges I stood In every puddle I could find in the hope that my salsa and guacamole covered shoes would miraculously begin to gleam so I didn’t look like the amateur I clearly was. Staring at the big wheel that stands proudly next to the now rather imposing Selfridges building I thought how can I comment about fashion when I’m wearing trousers that make me look like I’ve just finished a long day at school.

Entering the menswear department I suddenly started to feel at ease, this could have been something to do with the free alcoholic beverages, and began to wonder around the displays for the new season. The handy information leaflets informed me of the four big looks for men this summer including, South Pacific, which consists of khaki designs and bright Hawaiian shirts, although, I’m not overly convinced this’ll be a massive hit with Manchester’s abundance of Liam Gallagher impersonators but who knows it could catch on.

If that isn’t your bag then maybe, Carry On, will be this fashion aims to rediscover, Britannia, raising memories of a good old fashioned jaunts to the seaside wearing vibrant stripy T-Shirts and high raised shorts that even an 1980s footballer would blush at the sight of. After speaking to the sales assistant, at length, about this look, which I have to admit did grow on me by the end of our conversation, she concluded by saying the Charlie Chaplin look is back in…I never knew it went out.

Selfridges seemed to have committed to revving memories of Starsky and Hutch, Marc Bolan and Frank Zappa’s moustache in the, 70s Holiday, display. I’m pleased to report that we can now safely dig out the loafers and bleached denim from the attic and wear them once more, also, it might be a good idea to start growing an afro too.

The final ensemble for the summer months is, Rainbow, which does exactly what it says on the tin. I was blinded by the light of looking at multi-coloured jumpers and cardigans that contained every colour known to man. From this look I couldn’t help but wonder if this meant James May is a style icon? As he’s been wearing very similar stuff on Top Gear for years. In all honesty, this did look rather fitting for the summer, it just would be complemented by a few rays of sunshine descending onto our shores. Although I doubt, Rainbow, will age all that well but it could well be a guilty pleasure this summer.

The night ended with the main event of a catwalk show hosted by T4’s Jameela Jamil (I had to Google her as most weekend morning I’m too worse for ware to be out of bed watching television) presenting the looks in greater detail. With offerings from top designers such as Ralph Lauren, Acne, Gucci, Jill Sander and Kurt Geiger amongst others.

A few expected insecurities crept in during the show as I stared at the admittedly rather handsome runaway models while simultaneously I caught a reflection of my somewhat portly figure but this depression soon turned to excitement as I spotted former contestants of Channel 4’s Coach Trip (My favourite TV show) admiring the clothes on display. I did hope that tour guide Brendan may have been present but alas he was nowhere to be found.

The evening was a great success and seemed to please those much more qualified than me to judge fashion the only slight glitch was that the lovely Jameela kept name dropping Jude Law and Sienna Miller saying that they were big fans of the looks, that she thought they’d probably wear matching outfits, only for someone to remind her after her 12th reference to them that they’d recently split-up (Oh dear!).

I think it’s fair to say most of what was on display was aspirational attire, given that the outfits cost more than my car, but there were a few looks which I could see really working on the streets of Manchester this year, so guys maybe forget about roaming around shirtless (Obviously this‘ll disappoint many ladies I’m sure) the second the sun appears (getting that all too common and not particularly appealing red lobster look) and go for a rainbow jumper instead. Also the good people at GQ and Selfridges have assured me that socks and sandals do not mix so try your best to steer clear of them I know Jude Law does.

Renault's pre-season conundrum

As Murray Walker would say the new F1 season is all set to ‘go,go,go’ in less than a months time starting in, Sakir, with the Bahrain Grand Prix. There’s been much debate over the winter about how Ferrari will react to being pipped at the post in Abu Dhabi, whether Schuey can up his game after a distinctly average return last season and also whether the teams will adapt to the new Pirelli tyres. While underneath the surface everyone has failed to notice that Renault were beginning to shape up very nicely for the 2011 season.

Off-the-track there had been a little bit of scandal with regards to the team’s naming rights as this season they’ll be named Lotus-Renault after striking a $100m title name sponsor with the prestigious car giant. This resulted in a bitter war of words between the Renault crew and Team Lotus about who were the rightful owners of the team’s renowned F1 pedigree.


In truth this was all a flash in the pan and during pre-season practise the sleeping giant of a team had been topping the time sheets under the stewardship of Pole, Robert Kubica, touted as a genuine title contender for the forthcoming season by Sterling Moss. The one-time race winner, who ran Lewis Hamilton close to the world crown in 2008 must have been feeling pretty confident about his prospects for this season until that ill-fated Sunday morning, only three days ago.

Kubica, a well known rally enthusiast, was given permission to compete in the Ronde di Andora Rally, in Genoa, Italy, by Lotus-Renault bosses but it has been well documented that he had a serious crash during the road stage.


The former BWM-Sauber racer has fractures to his right shoulder, elbow and leg but the major concern and the severe cuts he suffered to his hand. Since the accident, where he crashed into a church wall and was trapped inside his Skoda Fabia for over an hour before being freed, he has had numerous operations on his injured hand.

What is certain is that F1’s first-ever Polish driver will not be on the grid in 29 days time, if at all this season, Lotus-Renault now have to decide who is capable of driving their vastly improved car and take over from their team leader.

The team’s test drivers Bruno Senna, nephew of the legendary Ayrton, and Romain Grosjean both have limited F1 experience, neither have ever completed an entire season. So it’s unlikely they’d be able to fill the void left by Kubica and the idea of Vitaly Petrov leading the team is sure to be met by cynicism. The Russian had a so-so debut year, admittedly he vastly improved in the second-half, but he will have to come on leaps and bounds to be considered seriously.

Renault team boss Eric Boullier has publicly shortlisted Bruno Senna, Vitantonio Liuzzi and Nick Heidfeld to replace the injured Robert Kubica in 2011. Of the three surely, Heidfeld, stands out as he has experience and some proven pedigree. Although that said, to me, he’s only a safe pair of hands as his best career finish is only 2nd place, ironically behind Kubica, his then team-mate at the 2008 Canadian Grand Prix. Maybe Lotus-Renault should be trying to cast their net further a field.


Other names touted include, the rumoured new Stig, Anthony Davidson and the impressive Nico Hulkenberg, who was somewhat unlucky not to keep his race seat at Williams. Hulkenberg and Heidfeld would make suitable replacements but in my opinion one candidate stands out, Kimi Raikkonen. After his Ferrari exile and a year in the wilderness rallying with Citroen is it now time to bring the 2007 World Champion back to F1?

Sure the Iceman can appear lazy and uninterested at times but he obviously has a winner’s mentality at heart, Lotus-Renault could do a lot worse than hiring the Finn to keep Kubica’s seat warm.

Also, today Citroën Sport director Olivier Quesnel, did state that Raikkonen would be free to make a ‘sensational’ comeback to the sport if he wanted to. So Lotus-Renault should not hesitate to jump at this prompting and sign a proven winner rather than another potential prospect which they have seemed all too keen to do in recent seasons. Anyone remember Nelson Piquet Jr?


Whatever happens the main thing is that Robert Kubica is back in F1 sooner rather than later as he has the abundant ability of a future champion.

The night I played for City

It’s every football fan’s dream to get close to the players of the club they support. CRAIG JONES got to make this a reality when he was the ‘DJ’ at the launch of Manchester City’s new club shop. . .

I’M sitting in the office on a drizzly Thursday morning with a million and one things to do.

It’s fair to say I’m in need of a pick-me-up. So, I do what anyone in my position would do – waste away the hours on Facebook. Flicking through the endless cringeworthy statuses (that I am all too guilty of writing myself) which included the usual ‘I can’t wait to finish work’, ‘I love my boyfriend sooooooo much’ and ‘I’m just off out for a loaf of bread’, all very intriguing stuff, I stumble across something of potential interest.

The official Manchester City page beckons me. It says: “Budding DJs wanted to cover the launch of our new club shop tonight.”

This is a calling. Being a City fan, I’m wobbling with excitement and, given the fact I consider myself something of a music buff, I decide to give it a go.

The rules are quite simple. All I have to do is submit three songs that I’d like to play. After much deliberation my choices are made – New Order’s Blue Monday, Julian Casablanca’s 11th Dimension and Editors’ Papillon. I’m convinced that a blend of a synthy Eighties alternative sound will be ideal for a shindig with Roberto Mancini and his boys.

A phone call comes and incredibly I’ve been selected to DJ the launch, I’m brimming with a smile that even the Cheshire Cat would be envious of. I then walk from desk to desk bragging to anyone who’ll listen what I’ll be doing this evening.

My friend Alexandra asks if she could accompany me to this glamorous event in the hope that she could snag herself a footballer husband.

She asks: “So Craig, who are the hottest players?”

Given my love for Carlos Tevez, I instantly blurt out the little Argentine bulldog’s name. Alex gives me a stern headshake of disapproval, of which Simon Cowell would be proud, and says: “Oh no Craig! Isn’t he the one with the massive scar?”


Obviously we look for different things in a man – I look for a goal scorer, and I dread to think what she looks for.

We arrive at the new CityStore on Market St, in the old HMV site across from Boots, startled by the view of a large blue moon rising.

We’re ushered to the entrance while having our snaps taken by photographers, who I hope believe me to be a footballer at the club. Given my ever-growing beer belly and the club’s alleged booze culture, maybe I could fit the bill perfectly.

Entering the store, there’s a space age parting of the ways when the moon splits in two allowing us to enter. I feel like we’re being taken on David Bowie’s space oddity and I begin to wonder if we’ll bump into Major Tom.


As we walk into the unknown, our entrance is greeted by rousing cheers from the Tannoy. I have to admit being cheered walking through a door is a fair old ego-boost and it eased my growing nerves before the impending DJ set.

The shop looks great – a bit like something from the film Tron. Lit in dark blue and full of mod-cons, we’re greeted by the event organiser who drags me from pillar to post.

Revealing that I’ll only be playing the three songs which I submitted (to be honest, I don’t mind as it gives me more time to schmooze with the City bigwigs), there then comes a trio of shocking bombshells.

The first is quite nice – all the drinks are complementary (not a bad start), secondly, the scarfed one, Roberto Mancini, will not be in attendance as he’s coming down tomorrow to officially open the store instead.

My heart is slightly broken at this point as I will admit I have a slight man-crush on the Italian stallion, who has an eye for knitwear.

But my spirits are raised by the fact Shaun Wright-Phillips and Micah Richards will be coming down later on.

The final revelation leaves me flabbergasted just as I’m told to jump behind the decks and get on with it.

The organiser says: “Just have a fiddle with the buttons – we are playing all the songs out of the main speakers anyway, so you don’t have to do anything, all you have to do is look convincing.”

It’s claimed, rather understandably, that the club couldn’t take a risk on whether I could DJ or not. Externally I’m nodding in agreement, but on the inside I’m having a diva-like strop.

Do they not know who I am? Do they not know of the ‘acclaimed’ radio show I did at uni or the many sets I’ve done in some of Manchester’s finest indie nightclubs?

My reputation didn’t precede me. In my head this is the biggest musical scandal since Milli Vanilli lip-synched or Cheryl’s latest mime on X Factor.

I jump behind the decks to begin a wooden acting master class that even Arnold Schwarzenegger would be embarrassed by. But as the sound of Bernard Sumner asking ‘How does it feel?’ rumbles around the shop’s basement floor I revel in my surroundings.

To my left I see the rather sophisticated shirt printing area that wouldn’t look out of place at a Kraftwerk gig and then directly in front of me I spy City’s Ambassador, the legendary Mike Summerbee, having a little dance to New Order.


At this point I start to amuse myself by switching the decks on and off wondering if anything will happen. Nothing does.

At the end of my set, Alex and I go grab a quick word with secret New Order fan Mike Summerbee. He speaks with great pride about the shop and says: “The store looks fresh, smart and modern; I think it epitomises the direction that the club is going.
“It just shows how Manchester City are growing as a force.”

We then get chatting about City’s current form and as an armchair fan I question the need of playing three holding midfielders at home. Summerbee, ever the gentleman, listens to my ramblings, which he’s probably heard a million times before. It becomes evident he’s keen to change the subject and he introduces us to the club’s CEO Gary Cook.

As we chat I’m desperate to ask about the infamous ‘bottler’ remark he aimed at Kaka when City expressed an interest in signing the Brazilian playmaker a few years back but don’t want to risk being frogmarched out of the joint.

The celebs keep rolling in and as we spot Micah Richards alone in the corner, we quickly hatch a plan, which is basically to use the girl as bait – Alex will ask for a photo and I’ll grab a few quotes about the football.

The plan goes perfectly. Alex gets a snapshot with a potential suitor and I have a chit chat with a man who I spent a few boozy nights with in Portland this summer when I inadvertently bumped into the squad during the club’s pre-season tour of America.

Richards recognises me, so there was actually no need for our convert 007-style plan. We chat about the good old days for a while before we get his thoughts on the new shop.

He raves: “It’s great, I’ve been to the old store in the Arndale Centre and this is a big improvement, I can’t believe how big it is. I think the fans will love it, they deserve the best on and off the field.”

I’m happy to get the quotes but as a fan I’m eager to get some juicy gossip about the club, I gently probe about the reported bust-ups between Mancini and the players but Richards leaps to the Italian’s defence. He explains: “I know a lot has been made about the recent results and our style of play, but I think people need to take a reality check and see that we are actually still fourth in the table.

“Everybody is saying we’re in decline and much has been said about the manager but he’s genuinely doing a good job and it is obvious the club is going in the right direction.”

The free alcohol must be running low as we’re now only being given halves of lager. Richards is called to the decks to join team-mate Shaun Wright-Phillips in providing the music. I jealously notice they get to actually DJ, no miming for millionaires, but at this point my attention has turned to other things.

After supping a fair bit, conversation between myself and Alex becomes very disjointed (I have the dictaphone recordings to prove it). She’s insistent on finding a waitress so she can grab another glass of wine while I realise that I don’t have this year’s kit and consider sneaking out with one of the jerseys displayed on the racks. I try to justify my intended actions by thinking, ‘The guys who own us are billionaires, they aren’t going to miss a shirt’.

At this point, I’d like to clarify I didn’t steal anything, what a horrible faux pas that would have been, but we consider this a good point to head towards the exits for the after show-party at The Living Room where City fans, Doves, would be performing. Before leaving I get a quick photo on the stage with Shauny, he has no option in the matter, as the little man is basically propping me up I’m in such an inebriated state. Although from the picture Shaun looks a little worse for wear, too.


We leave, the night has been amazing and I just can’t believe my luck that I got to be part of such a big event with the club I love. I have the sound of Andy Gray in my ears rumbling out the old footballing cliché: ‘you can’t win a raffle if you don’t buy a ticket’. Too true Andy, take a bow son.

Richards backs Mancini

Manchester City’s players leapt to the defence of Roberto Mancini ahead of the club’s crunch match with Fulham on Sunday.

The blues manager has recently received criticism following dour 0-0 draws at home to arch-rivals Manchester United and Birmingham City.

Right-back, Micah Richards, 22, has defended the Italian tactician and claims the club is heading in the right direction.

He said: “I know a lot has been made about the recent results but I think people need to take a reality check and see that we are actually still fourth in the table.

“Everybody is saying we’re in decline and much has been said about the manager but he’s genuinely doing a good job and it is obvious the club is going In the right direction.”

Richards believes that City are still firmly in this season’s battle for the Premier League title.

He said: “It’s hard to write anyone off at the moment as so many teams are dropping points, look at Chelsea they were well clear a few weeks ago, now they are in a little bit of trouble but you don’t hear anyone getting on Carlo Ancelotti’s back.

“I think everyone should just give Roberto Mancini the time he deserves.”

This weekend City travel to Craven Cottage to face Fulham at 4pm on Sunday and there is undoubtedly going to be an extra bit of spice to the game.

It’ll be the first time former manager Mark Hughes will face the blues since he unceremoniously left the club nearly 12 months ago, despite City having only lost twice in the Premier League at that point.

Richards said: “It will be nice to see Mark Hughes again although our main focus is getting the victory. It was well documented we didn’t always see eye-to-eye but I understand that he just wanted the best for me.

“I think much will be made of the fact that Hughes will be eager for a win but Fulham is always a tough place to go anyway, we’re not kidding ourselves.”

England international, Richards, believes that if City play at their best they’ll have no trouble bringing three points home from the capitol.

The defender also thinks the club are well on course to reach their pre-season target of Champions League qualification.

He said: “At the beginning of the season we decided that reaching the Champions League was our minimum goal, we are still well positioned to do that.

“Whether that’s in first, second, third or fourth place I’m not sure but we’ll definitely get there, with ease.”

Team-mate Shaun Wright-Phillips agrees with Richards and feels that City are being harshly treated.

Wright-Phillips, 29, said: “Since we got taken over the press attention has been immense and understandably if things go wrong journalists are keen to get on our backs.

“We are a great side full of world class players and we have a manager who’s won a lot over his career in Italy, we are really well equipped to meet our objectives.”

Meanwhile, fans favourite, Wright-Phillips, has spoke of his frustrations of not being able to cement a place in City’s starting eleven.

The winger has only made six appearances this season in all competitions and this has led to speculation over his long-term future.

He explained: “I’ve always said I want to finish my English football career with City but yes in the short term future I would possibly consider a loan move but I certainly don’t want to leave permanently.”

Wright-Phillips faces stiff competition for a starting spot from England stars Adam Johnson, James Milner and Spanish World Cup winner David Silva.

Recently, much has been made about City’s players having rows with manager, Roberto Mancini, as the former Inter Milan boss is reported to have had bust-ups with Emmanuel Adebayor, Adam Johnson and talisman Carlos Tevez among others.

Wright-Phillips said: “I’m not one to criticise managers, I know what Mancini wants from me and I’m just going to concentrate on showing him I deserve a place in the team.”

The former Chelsea star said he couldn’t describe how difficult he finds not playing but vowed to make his mark.

He said: “I know what I am capable of for club and country so I just have to be patient.”

Former City star Mike Summerbee, now an ambassador for the club has told Wright-Phillips to keep working hard and he’ll get his reward.

Summberbee, 67, said: “Everyone at the club loves Shaun and nobody wants to see him leave, If he applies himself I’m sure he’ll get the games he deserves.”

Summerbee also called for Mancini to be given more respect and said has faith in him.

He said: “Rome wasn’t built in a day and I feel sorry for Roberto, it is clear he has passion for the job and I’d ask for people to give him a break.

“There’s a long way to go and I’m sure we’ll be there or there abouts come May.”

Blue moon rises on Market Street

The blue moon rose on Market Street when Manchester City Football Club opened their brand new flagship store on Friday.

The current CityStore in the Arndale Centre will be replaced with a state-of-the-art retail outlet, 420% larger in comparison.

Shoppers will enjoy much more choice, with exciting new products including the latest fashion collections, accessories and gifts.

This follows a £1 million investment from the club’s new retail partner, Kitbag, who have also upgraded the ordering facility, offering a multi-channel service which allows fans to have products delivered anywhere in the world.

Garry Cook, CEO of MCFC, explained that they were very proud of their old store, but admitted they could do a little bit better.

“Eighteen months ago we asked if we could improve the current store,” he said.

“And I think this started to depict the journey of this football club because we’re relentlessly seeking to get better.”

The club and official kit partner, Umbro, have lots of events lined-up in the forthcoming months such as bands performing live, product launches and fashion shows taking place in the shop.

“What you see is not a club shop, what you see is a Manchester City retail experience with a difference,” Mr Cook added.

“This football club is a great football club and it sits at the heart of this city, just as our new store does.”

Mr Cook said that the club hopes their new store will be a home away from home, offering the complete stadium experience for supporters.

Managing Director of Kitbag, Ray Evans, said: “When discussing plans and aspirations for this shop, we quickly realised only the best could ever be considered for Manchester City Football Club.”

And with the store boasting a unique shirt printing laboratory and an innovative and sophisticated interior, their aspirations seem to have materialised.

“We want to offer fans a bit of that magic they experience at the stadium when they walk through the door,” he added.

“I am going to make a bold statement now and say that this is, without a doubt, the best football club store in this country.”

At the launch party of the store on Thursday many agreed.

One of them was City player, Micah Richards. He said: “It’s great, I’ve been to the old store in the Arndale Centre and this is a big improvement, I can’t believe how big it is.

“I think the fans will love it, they deserve the best on and off the field.”

Richards was joined by team-mate, Shaun Wright-Phillips, where they showed their support by djing at the event.

The final seal of approval came from former MCFC player and club ambassador, Mike Summerbee.

He said: “The store looks fresh, smart and modern; I think it epitomises the direction that the club is going.

“It just shows how Manchester City are growing as a force.”

City roll out the blue carpet

Manchester City last night rolled out the blue carpet for the premiere of the club’s new film, Blue Moon Rising, at the Printworks.

Roberto Mancini and his squad put dreams of Premier League domination on hold for one evening to attend the glittering event held at the Odeon Cinema.

Producer Nick London said he felt it was vital for the film to get across the uniqueness of being a City fan.

He said: “This is a film seen through the eyes of a group of City fans and what it means to love a football club. We really wanted to present that well known self-deprecating humour of a Manchester City fan.

“I’m very confident that all football supporters can strongly relate to these guys, no matter who they support.”

Soap stars Michelle Keegan and Jorgie Porter were also in attendance, helping to add a little glamour to the occasion, although the show was inevitably stolen by lifelong blues fan Noel Gallagher.

The former Oasis guitarist signed autographs and posed for pictures with waiting fans.

Whilst the Gallagher brother makes frequent appearances in the behind-the-scenes documentary, the film’s real stars are five diehard City fans from Stockport who travel home and away to matches in a rusting 1992 Renault Espace, which goes by the name of Helios.

Directed by Bafta award winner Stewart Sugg, the film details City’s first full season following Sheikh Mansour’s £210m takeover of the club.

Sugg uses player interviews with stars such as Carlos Tevez, Emmanuel Adebayor and Gareth Barry combined with match action to capture City’s transformation from also-rans to potential title contenders.

City’s Commercial Director, David Pullan, said: “Blue Moon Rising reinforces Manchester City’s standing as the most fascinating story in the world of football.

“It will be a lasting testimony to one of the most exciting years in Manchester City’s history.”

The film focuses on the £100m City spent buying new players last season, the sacking of manager Mark Hughes, and the subsequent appointment of Roberto Mancini.

A few Manchester City fans were lucky enough to win tickets for the first screening of Blue Moon Rising and watch it with their idols.

City fan Greg Baker said: “Tonight’s been amazing. I thought the film was great. Last season had so many ups and downs, so it made the perfect film script.”

He jokingly added: “I just wish they’d left out those last minute defeats to United.”

Blue Moon Rising will be showing in selected North West cinemas for the next two weeks.

Buena Vista International are also considering screening the documentary in cinemas worldwide, so if a blue moon does rise over Hollywood, Helios maybe pulling up to a few premieres stateside.

2010 Mid-Season F1 Report

As the beautiful sunshine set on the streets of Valencia last weekend the 2010 Formula 1 Championship reached it’s halfway point. Now that Sebastian Vettel’s victorious champagne has been well and truly savoured it is worthwhile to see what we have learnt in the opening four months of the season.

By far the biggest story throughout winter testing was the ‘Will he? Won’t he?’ affair of Michael Schumacher’s return to the sport. After months of speculation the seven time World Champion announced news that left fans across the globe joyous, he was coming back and being reunited with Ross Brawn, the tactical genius who helped Schumacher win five World Championships at Ferrari. This was the most high profile, positive news that F1 had received in years and left fans drooling at the prospect of the master taking on the new breed, driving for the newly formed Mercedes GP.

Purists had hoped he’d gloriously return straight to the front of the field and secure an eighth world title. Whether these expectations were a little unrealistic, not many would have thought Schumacher’s comeback would be the struggle it has become with the former Ferrari man currently lingering ninth in the drivers standings with only thirty-four points. His team mate, Nico Rosberg has more than double the points of Schumacher and has pretty much outclassed his more illustrious countryman. Currently the prospect of Schumacher securing a podium seems out of the depths of reality, let alone him mounting a serious title challenge.

2010, has been the year of vicious team mate battles, long gone are the days of a team having a No.1 and No.2 driver. The proof of this can be seen throughout every top team this season; from the master out performed by the apprentice at Mercedes to the Brit World Champions of Mclaren. This level of competition has inevitably helped create an open title battle with the top five drivers in the standings separated by less than thirty points. This partnered with the reform of the points system for 2010 leaves much excitement promised for the remainder of the season and the potential twists we can enjoy.

Arguably, the fiercest in-team battle of the year has come from the Red Bull drivers. On Saturday afternoons Sebastian Vettel and Mark Webber have been imperious gaining four pole positions each, from the nine races that have taken place, so far. Although on Sunday this impressive form hasn’t always been continued, partially due to the two driver’s competitive mentality. The obvious example of this was at the Turkey GP when the pair collided whilst leading one and two. Resulting in Vettel crashing out and Webber finishing 3rd behind the two Mclaren drivers. Red Bull Team Principal, Christian Horner, will be nervously twitching at the notion of his two driver’s bitter rivalry taking centre stage and costing them the world championship. In a similar fashion to Lewis Hamilton and Fernando Alonso while racing for Mclaren in 2007, presenting the championship to Ferrari’s Kimi Raikkonen.

What’s for certain is, Christian Horner’s team will have to make their undoubted qualifying superiority count more often with the constantly improving Mclarens and Ferraris ready to stake their claim for the 2010 World championship title.

Next stop Silverstone, where Red Bull enjoyed a one/two finish last season.

Craig Jones

10 Things We Have Learnt At The 2010 World Cup, So Far

1. The synchronised dress code of the German management team is more than a little creepy. The sight of Jochem Loew and right hand man, Oliver Bierhoff trying their best to be down with the kids, by wearing matching ‘designer’ cardigans is the worst football fashion catastrophe since the Liverpool team’s sinister cream FA Cup Final suits from 1995. Yes, they really are that bad.

2. Just when you start to believe there aren’t any easy games left in International football, North Korea stumble into your life. World Cup 2010 has seen memorable shocks from New Zealand, Algeria, Serbia and Switzerland but the North Koreans have offered a welcome goal boost to the established order. Most notably, shipping seven goals against Portugal. Unsurprisingly, Kim Jong-Hun’s side fell at the group stages with a goal difference of minus eleven, after three matches.

3. Nigeria certainly know how to miss a sitter, surely it couldn’t get any worse than Chinedu Oybuke’s guilt edge miss against Greece. Though, it certainly did when Yakubu completely missed the onion bag from no more than 2 yards out verses South Korea with an open goal beckoning. That has to be the worst ever miss recorded on film, even worse than Ronny Rosenthal’s.

4. Gold can actually rust, following a nightmare campaign which included a player sent home, a fitness coach resigning and their Football Federation President in tears, It would seem France’s golden generation are now dead and buried. Now that they have flown home in shame on their economy flights the autopsy continues as striker Thierry Henry has met with the country’s President, Nicolas Sarkozy to discuss the team’s abysmal showing.

5. If a team has the attacking talent of Lionel Messi, Gonazlo Higuain, Ángel Di Maria, Carlos Tevez and Diego Milito (The list could continue) it really doesn’t matter who manages them. After an indifferent qualification campaign, some predicted Argentina would struggle in South Africa although they have done everything but. Sweeping aside all in their group, under the stewardship of the Argentine equivalent of Mike Bassett, in the form of the legendary, Diego Maradona, who makes up for his lack of tactical ability with his unrivalled charisma. After his teams victory over South Korea the handball specialist responded to quips that he was too friendly towards his players by saying: “I prefer women. I have a girlfriend Veronica who is blonde and 31.”


6. Inevitably, the ball gets criticised. Adidas’ Jabulani football has joined a long line of World Cup tournament balls that have been slammed for being awkward to use. The problem with this year’s ball is that it apparently ‘just travels funny in the air’ well if anyone saw the 50 yard ball Glen Johnson played to Wayne Rooney against Slovenia or either of the two free kicks Japan scored verses Denmark the Jabulani ball doesn’t seem all that bad.

7. Like always, just as keen as the English press are to build the national team up, they’re even more eager to knock them down. If you believed the newspapers prior to the tournament, World Cup 2010 was England’s best chance to conquer the world since our victory in 1966. The odd draw later and it’s all change, Fabio Capello, once billed as a potential messiah became a senile old Italian, who’d forgotten he’d given Joe Cole a plane ticket. The worst aspect of the whole affair had to be when tabloid favourite, John Terry acknowledged the concerns raised by the press but was then called a traitor for agreeing with what they had been preaching. Gosh you’d think he’d slept with Capello’s wife or something, oh wait…maybe that was the ‘big mistake’ Fabio has been talking about. Well one thing is for certain, Capello will do more than just refuse a handshake, if this rumour is true.

8. Vuvuzelas are rather annoying, this World Cup has been devoid of chanting from the terrace but at least it has gained a lot of South African identity which ultimately makes tournaments memorable, this is thanks in no small part to those noisy horns. Plus, an avid Formula One fan can hardly criticise the noise made by a few plastic horns. A F1 car roaming the streets of Monaco is anything but quiet.

9. The BBC have pulled a masterstroke by signing 781 time Champions League Winner, Clarence Seedorf, who has complimented their already strong team of pundits. Seedorf is refreshing, articulate and not afraid of offering an opinion, Seedorf’s view of Christiano Ronaldo: “He’s one of the best contemporary footballers but he’ll never be an all time great.” Clarence has settled well into the Beeb’s tried and tested line-up whose coverage has also received a shot in the arm with Lee Dixon coming of age at the tournament. The only weak link is the monotones of the Monobrowed, Martin Keown who revealed to the world mid-commentary: “It’s a horrible job, I don’t think people at home appreciate how cold it actually is out here, plus we have to stay up to midnight and get up at 7am.” If you fancy quitting Martin, they’ll be a fair few million people queuing up to get behind the microphone, they‘d all do a better job of it too.

10. Life just goes on hold during the World Cup. Throughout the group stages we’ve had the appetiser of supping our teeth into three matches a day and now the main course of our footballing feast commences, the knockouts. Ah bliss!