10 Things We Learnt At RockNess

Here are 10 things we learnt from this year’s RockNess festival:

1. Next year make sure you travel to Scotland a day early and venture to the Go North event in Inverness on the Thursday night prior to RockNess. This year the town was invaded by 45 acts performing in 10 venues, all aspiring to be the next big thing.

2. If you see Crystal Castles front woman, Alice Glass roaming on to the main stage grasping a bottle of whisky, it would be advised to gently persuade her to leave it behind. As it may prevent a few injuries.

3. Do not be careless enough to leave a very tacky 70’s style green and white chair on display at the camp site while you’re off enjoying the festival, as something that stylish will inevitably get stolen.

4. Lightening can strike twice, fresh from clearing Inverness night club, Ironworks on Thursday evening Aberdeen rap duo Shy & DRS did exactly the same on Friday night in RockNess’ Go North tent. It is just unfortunate they failed to emulate all those other Aberdeen rap legends that have came before them.

5. Rob Green surely can not be England’s number 1 goalkeeper. Further to this, never watch England’s opening match of a World Cup campaign in the company of 300 Scotsmen, especially if the goalkeeper does have a mare. It can get a little frustrating, although a chant of ‘When’s your group game? When’s your group game?’ can momentarily quieten the jubilant tartan army, revelling in England’s failures.

6. The best thing about Dananananaykroyd is the name and even that wares thin pretty quickly.

7. Lycra was most certainly in at RockNess 2010, Britain’s Got Talent wannabes The Cuban Brothers wowed the main stage in an array of fluorescent outfits that left little to the imagination. Then comedian Chris Cox, stripped to a pair of stunning Lycra running shorts to conclude the encore to his act. This said, the most eye catching Lycra wearing artist had to be the silver clad sultry singer who performed with Leftfield. We assumed she must have been going to a fancy dress party as Barbarella, after the gig. I think she gave many a young man sweet dreams on Friday night.

8. If you’re a little nervous at the thought of proposing to that special person in your life, simply enlist the help of Hot Chip during their DJ set. The London band where more than obliging to stop the music and help a reveller pop the question to the woman of his dreams. If you’re wondering, of course she said yes.

9. Comedy definitely has a place at RockNess, this year’s new addition, the Howard’s End Pub was packed with heaps of merrymakers game for a laugh. Then on Sunday afternoon Kevin Bridges played to a crowd of around 5,000 in the Goldenvoice Arena reminiscing about the joys of 90’s childhood. Memories of Dave Benson Phillips helping make a child’s dream come true by gunging that hated school teacher brought the house down.

10. When The Strokes do go their separate ways, Julian Casablancas could easily take the lead role in the next Terminator film. As The Strokes reunited on Sunday night, Casablancas, dressed all in black leather and Blue Brothers style sunnies, gave piercing robotic stares to the 35,000 strong crowd, reminiscent of Arnie hunting down John Connor. Anyway RockNess, until next year hasta la vista, baby.




Craig Jones